you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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