is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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