evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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