You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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