Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
