Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
