im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
