i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
