well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
