I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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