Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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