So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
