She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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