I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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