Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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