Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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