I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
