It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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