I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
