He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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