the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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