I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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