in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
