she woke up with a sticky ear
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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