fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
