we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A bitchslap is in order.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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