That's intense
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
