The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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