he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
