this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
