I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
