Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
