when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
