i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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