My friends, they love my intelligence
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
