I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
