so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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