I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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