He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
