It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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