i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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