This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
