i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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