Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
