I wish I only lived at night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
