My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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