He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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