so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
