My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
