just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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