i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
