we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
