you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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