Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No subtext here. People are naked.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
