How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
3pm strippers are depressing
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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