Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
