hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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