I just made out with a guy for $7.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
