I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
